Needs more distortion and aggression.
I think this track was a bit empty... You should have added some bassline or some wierd ambinent noise in the breakdown at 01:00 to the place where the bassline comes in. Also you should distort the kick way more. The synth is dominationg the track (i'm guessing this is a hardcore/gabber track judging from the kick and the other sounds) when the kick should be the dominating sound.
Also distort the kick way more. Remember that without a very powerful and distorded kick it won't be a good hardcore/track.
Now to the things i liked. The melody was kinda okay. Nothing really fancy but at least it worked. The bassline was good.
The intro was also good, most intros are about 1 minute, but why wasnt the outro just as good? ;-)
Anyway to sum this up... Focus more on the kick and aggression or the track rather than the melody and synths.